Anyways, when friends learn this about us, they ask how we did it. Some turn to my husband and ask him why. I’m a good sport about that. It’s one of the things people do to stay together — they put up with nonsense.

I could make a long list of the things I think kept us together. But that would be only half of a two-person accomplishment. So I asked my husband to share, from his point of view, how and why we stayed together this long. His answers are way better than mine.

The first words out of his mouth were, “Be patient.” I wasn’t surprised by that. For the record, this man already owns his angel wings. He added, “Be flexible. Prioritize your time together. Decide on common goals, early and often.”

“Discuss your differences, then do it her way.” (He’s a very wise man.)

I asked him if his life would have been easier or better if he’d stayed single. “Oh, heck no,” he blurted out. After a pause, he corrected himself. “It would have been easier, but exciting? No. Adventuresome? No. I would have become a curmudgeon much sooner than I did.” He’s an honest man, even with himself.

About raising kids: “You have to be on the same page. It’s a process, an evolution through trial and error on a landscape that changes as often as the kids do. Kids are sometimes the reason for disagreements, but mostly they’re the glue.”

Other recommendations: “Learn how to make each other laugh, then do it.”

“Keep your individuality. Don’t try to become too much like each other. That would be irritating. You were attracted to each other for who you are. Don’t mess that up.”

“Find good friends. We learn from their mistakes, and they learn from ours.”

“Ridicule doesn’t work. Love and positive reinforcement does.”

“Pray together every day you’re together. Whether you like each other or not at the moment, still pray. You probably need it more at that time than ever.”

“Communicate continually; use words often.”

He recommended couple-building experiences: Set up a tent together, go on a long journey, build something, park a trailer, paint a room, take a class, remodel a kitchen, plan a family reunion. But also know when to walk away — and when to run. He brought up the time he tried to teach me to snow ski. “It’s the only time I think you really wanted to hurt me.”

To his thoughtful list I add: Give a lot of grace. Eat dinner together every day. Never spend more money than what you’ve agreed on. Worship together. See each other as your primary source of strength and comfort. Stay true to one another and you’ll withstand anything; stray away and you’re both so vulnerable. Patch every crack the moment it shows up. Go to bed mad if you must, but resolve it by the end of the next day.

This world doesn’t know how to support people committed to staying together. It likes conflict and drama and distrust. Those are wedges that crash into a marriage. Ignore them and stay the course. Even if you’re limping, move forward.

You have to fight a lot to keep your marriage intact. Not fight each other, but fight shoulder to shoulder against all the messy things that try to pull you apart — distractions, finances, jobs, technology, sometimes the kids, other people. You fight to stay together. Strong marriages are not casual — they are intent and intense.

At 50 years, the point of view shifts from achieving that milestone to what’s ahead. There’s not much there. Just him and just me. We’re OK with that.

We talked it out. We’re aiming for 50 more. And whatever’s beyond.

D. Louise Brown lives in Layton. She writes a biweekly column for the Standard-Examiner.