So your girlfriend of two years broke it off. Or you have come to terms with the fact that it will never happen with the attractive boy you crush on from a safe distance. You called it off again, and this time, you are never, ever getting back together.

In any case, breakups are painful. After the conclusion of a relationship, you will probably feel a bit empty, angry or even physically sick. All of those feelings are valid and perfectly normal.

But then what? You can’t stay in that awful state forever. Every relationship is unique, and so is the way in which the people in that relationship deal with its loss. Regardless of the variance, here are a few steps to letting go that I have found helpful.

• Get some of your emotions out. You can’t begin to process your feelings if you have too many of them to deal with. So, scream at the top of your lungs. Cry until your tear ducts are tired. Go running until your lungs hurt more than your heart. Punch your pillow and then sleep on it. Eat a lot of ice cream and watch “The Notebook” a few times.

• Soothe yourself. More often than not, you are going to be upset, hurt and utterly exhausted after a breakup. So be kind to yourself; after all, you are the only person who is going to stay by your side without fail. You might as well love yourself. My advice is to go easy on your workout (or skip it all together), take a bubble bath and listen to your favorite sad song on repeat. If possible, go to sleep early and sleep in late.

• Purge. At this point, you will have sorted through the sadness and probably be angry at your ex. You may want to get revenge, but no matter what John Green’s books claim, do not egg their car or shave off their eyebrow while they sleep. Those are both terrible ideas, and you will most likely feel just as sick afterwards. Also, now is not the time to reminisce over old, adorable texts.

A far more effective way to cope is this: get a notebook. Open it and begin to fill it with every one of your ex’s less-than-desirable traits. Don’t lie and say, “But I loved everything about him.” There are things about him or her that irritated you. Maybe she mispronounced “specific” or he loves anchovies on his pizza. Whatever the flaw, no matter how trivial, get it on the paper. Chances are, after you vent your feelings, you won’t want that person back as badly as you did before.

• Purge 2.0. Breakups are a time of low self-esteem for almost everyone. Turn the page in your notebook and write down everything you like about yourself. It could be your handwriting, the way you do your eye makeup or the way your laugh infects everyone around you. Anything you see as an arguably good quality goes on the list. Around this point, you should start realizing how awesome you are. You are a unique, attractive, amazing, whole person, all on your own. In your own way, you are a perfect 10/10.

• Dating again. Now that you are at least partly done with the notion of wanting your person back, you may be thinking about dating. Never do anything you aren’t comfortable with, and don’t rush into a relationship for the sake of not being single. I strongly suggest platonic dates and self-dates.

Platonic dates are a hugely underrated activity. You go on a fun date, but with your friend instead of a significant other. You get all of the benefits of social interaction, without the awkwardness of a first date. As fun as friend dates are, self-dates are even better. They are a bit more intimidating, as you take yourself on a date, but they are infinitely more liberating. You can finally go see that movie your ex refused to go to. What’s more, you can laugh as loud as you want, cry and not worry about them seeing you without makeup, and you can reach into the popcorn container without fearing the dreaded hand-touch-in-the-popcorn-bucket.

Congratulations! You completed the getting-over-a-breakup process. You may need to do this several times, or figure out a system that works better for you. These are totally objective, alterable steps that you might find helpful.

Good luck, and remember, there are a lot of people out there; don’t get too hung up on just this one.

Emily Brown is a sophomore at Bonneville High School. She enjoys reading and fangirling over whatever strikes her fancy. Contact her at emilyabrown17@gmail.com