One can imagine how these conversations so often went. There was yelling, insulting and constantly talking over each other. Good for getting views, I guess, which is probably what the creators were going for, but not exactly great if you want to feel good about the way in which people talk to each other.

I thought of that video as I was preparing this column, which focuses on a talk given by President Dallin H. Oaks, first counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, at the general conference of the church last month.

In his talk, titled “Following Christ,” President Oaks discussed contention.

The subhead for his talk on the church’s website states, “As followers of Christ, we teach and testify of Jesus Christ, our perfect role model. So let us follow him by forgoing contention.”

Ryan Comer, Standard-Examiner

Before going any further, I wanted to express how much I liked that President Oaks put avoiding contention in the context of following Christ. Avoiding contention can be hard, and I think a lot of the time it can be hard because it’s easy to forget why contention should be avoided. If we’re not thinking about the reasons why we should avoid contention, which is because we want to follow Christ, it can be easy to say something that fuels contention. Whenever we find ourselves in a situation where it seems like contention is possible, the thought followers of Christ should have is, “How can I emulate Jesus’ perfect example in the way that I treat this situation?”

“This year millions have been inspired by the gospel study plan known by the savior’s invitation ‘Come, follow me,'” (Luke 18:22) President Oaks said. “Following Christ is not a casual or occasional practice. It is a continuous commitment and way of life that should guide us at all times and in all places. His teachings and his example define the path for every disciple of Jesus Christ. And all are invited to this path, for he invites all to come unto him, ‘black and white, bond and free, male and female; … and all are alike unto God.'” (2 Nephi 26:33)

Prior to speaking more specifically about contention, President Oaks discussed following Christ by obeying his commandments.

“The first step in following Christ is to obey what he defined as ‘the great commandment in the law’:

“‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

“‘This is the first and great commandment.

“‘And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

“‘On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.'” (Matthew 22:36-40)

“The commandments of God provide the guiding and steadying force in our lives. Our experiences in mortality are like the little boy and his father flying a kite on a windy day. As the kite rose higher, the winds caused it to tug on the connecting string in the little boy’s hand. Inexperienced with the force of mortal winds, he proposed to cut the string so the kite could rise higher. His wise father counseled no, explaining that the string is what holds the kite in place against mortal winds. If we lose our hold on the string, the kite will not rise higher. It will be carried about by these winds and inevitably crash to the earth.

“That essential string represents the covenants that connect us to God, our Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ. As we honor those covenants by keeping their commandments and following their plan of redemption, their promised blessings enable us to soar to celestial heights.

“The Book of Mormon frequently declares that Christ is ‘the light of the world.’ (Alma 38:9; Mosiah 16:9; 3 Nephi 9:18) During his appearance to the Nephites, the risen Lord explained that teaching by telling them: ‘I have set an example for you.’ (3 Nephi 18:16) ‘I am the light which ye shall hold up — that which ye have seen me do.’ (3 Nephi 18:24; 3 Nephi 27:21) He is our role model. We learn what he has said and done by studying the scriptures and following prophetic teachings, as President Russell M. Nelson has urged us to do. In the ordinance of the sacrament, we covenant each Sabbath day that we will ‘always remember him and keep his commandments.'” (Doctrine and Covenants 20:77)

I think the kite analogy is brilliant. I was discussing the importance of following commandments with my 9-year-old son this past week and I thought to use that analogy when talking to him.

“Why wouldn’t you just cut the string and let the kite go off higher?” I asked

“Because then it’s going to go who knows where,” my son wisely responded.

Looking at it this way, the person holding the string is not restricting the kite out of some diabolical plot to control it and prevent it from being free. The person holding the string is protecting the kite, keeping it safe so that it doesn’t end up who knows where. So it is with God and his commandments. He is not trying to control us or prevent us from being free; he’s trying to keep us safe so we don’t end up who knows where doing who knows what.

Speaking more specifically, but still about commandments in general, President Oaks said:

“In the Book of Mormon, the Lord gave us the fundamentals in what he called ‘the doctrine of Christ.’ These are faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, enduring to the end and becoming as a little child, (3 Nephi 11:32-33, 38; 2 Nephi 31:13-21; 3 Nephi 27:13-22) which means to trust the Lord and submit to all he requires of us. (Mosiah 3:19)

“The Lord’s commandments are of two types: permanent, like the doctrine of Christ, and temporary. Temporary commandments are those necessary for the needs of the Lord’s church or the faithful in temporary circumstances, but to be set aside when the need has passed. An example of temporary commandments are the Lord’s directions to the early leadership of the church to move the saints from New York to Ohio, to Missouri and to Illinois and finally to lead the pioneer exodus to the Intermountain West. Though only temporary, when still in force, these commandments were given to be obeyed.

“Some permanent commandments have taken considerable time to be generally observed. For example, President Lorenzo Snow’s famous sermon on the law of tithing emphasized a commandment given earlier but not yet generally observed by church members. It needed reemphasis in the circumstances then faced by the church and its members. Recent examples of reemphases have also been needed because of current circumstances faced by Latter-day Saints or the church. These include the proclamation on the family, issued by President Gordon B. Hinckley a generation ago, and President Russell M. Nelson’s recent call for the church to be known by its revealed name, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

Side note: This is one of the many reasons I appreciate President Oaks. He has a gift for expounding on gospel truths with remarkable clarity. One might think of the idea of permanent and temporary commandments as confusing, but the way President Oaks explains it, it makes perfect sense.

The main takeaway I got from his commentary is that commandments are not optional. Some may be temporary, which may lead some people to not take them very seriously, but that does not diminish the importance of following them because, as President Oaks said, “these commandments were given to be obeyed.” Sometimes permanent commandments require reemphasis, like the commandment on tithing which President Oaks noted. Some may be skeptical about the importance of following certain prophetic counsel if it’s being emphasized now when it wasn’t necessarily emphasized before, but the attitude I believe we should all have is, if the counsel is being reemphasized right now, that must mean it is very important. Indeed, we should be more serious about following prophetic counsel if it is reemphasized, not less.

The fact that President Oaks addressed that certain commandments require reemphasis due to circumstances, and that he subsequently chose to highlight the proclamation on the family and the church’s revealed name, speaks to how seriously we should take those reemphases. Church leaders have provided much reemphasis on those matters, and President Oaks is reemphasizing them again. It’s important to take note of that.

President Oaks’ discussion on the need for certain commandments to be reemphasized led directly into his comments on contention.

“Another of our savior’s teachings seems to require reemphasis in the circumstances of our day.

“This is a time of many harsh and hurtful words in public communications and sometimes even in our families. Sharp differences on issues of public policy often result in actions of hostility — even hatred — in public and personal relationships. This atmosphere of enmity sometimes even paralyzes capacities for lawmaking on matters of importance where most citizens see an urgent need for some action in the public interest.

“What should followers of Christ teach and do in this time of toxic communications? What were his teachings and examples?

“It is significant that among the first principles Jesus taught when he appeared to the Nephites was to avoid contention. While he taught this in the context of disputes over religious doctrine, the reasons he gave clearly apply to communications and relationships in politics, public policy and family relationships. Jesus taught:

“‘He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

“‘Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.'” (3 Nephi 11:29-30)

I don’t know about anyone else, but knowing that the devil is the father of contention, and that he is responsible for stirring up men’s hearts to contend with each other with anger is an extremely strong reason for me to want nothing to do with it. I have no desire to give Satan any amount of satisfaction. I have no desire to add to his list of victories that’s already way too long.

Continued President Oaks:

“In his remaining ministry among the Nephites, Jesus taught other commandments closely related to his prohibition of contention. We know from the Bible that he had previously taught each of these in his great Sermon on the Mount, usually in precisely the same language he later used with the Nephites. I will quote the familiar Bible language:

“‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.’ (Matthew 5:44; 2 Nephi 12:44)

“This is one of Christ’s best-known commandments — most revolutionary and most difficult to follow. Yet it is a most fundamental part of his invitation for all to follow him. As President David O. McKay taught, ‘There is no better way to manifest love for God than to show an unselfish love for one’s fellowmen.'”

There is no shortage of opportunities to love those around us, and as polarized as society has become, there is no shortage of opportunities to love those who we may see as our enemies. A question I ask myself is, “What am I doing to show love for those around me whom the world might say are my enemies because of strong differences of opinion?”

President Oaks continued:

“Here is another fundamental teaching by him who is our role model: ‘Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ (Matthew 5:9; 3 Nephi 12:9)

“Peacemakers! How it would change personal relationships if followers of Christ would forgo harsh and hurtful words in all their communications.

“In general conference last year, President Russell M. Nelson gave us these challenges:

“‘One of the easiest ways to identify a true follower of Jesus Christ is how compassionately that person treats other people. …

“‘True disciples of Jesus Christ are peacemakers. …

“‘One of the best ways we can honor the savior is to become a peacemaker.’

“Concluding his teachings: ‘Contention is a choice. Peacemaking is a choice. You have your agency to choose contention or reconciliation. I urge you to choose to be a peacemaker, now and always.’

“Potential adversaries should begin their discussions by identifying common ground on which all agree.”

There’s another video I saw on YouTube recently that involved two people on opposite sides of a contentious political issue. As I watched this conversation, I found it interesting that although they had completely different opinions on the correct approach to this issue, there were moments where they actually came to an agreement on certain points. One of them actually praised the other at moments where common ground wasn’t expected. I am convinced that on every issue there is more common ground people can find than they might think. But does the courage to look for that common ground and actually acknowledge it exist, or do we look at that as a sign of weakness and scurry back to our ideological corner? Which approach do you think Satan would want us to take?

Closing his talk, President Oaks said:

“To follow our perfect role model and his prophet, we need to practice what is popularly known as the Golden Rule: ‘All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.’ (Matthew 7:12) We need to love and do good to all. We need to avoid contention and be peacemakers in all our communications. This does not mean to compromise our principles and priorities but to cease harshly attacking others for theirs. That is what our perfect role model did in his ministry. That is the example he set for us as he invited us to follow him.

“In this conference four years ago, President Nelson gave us a prophetic challenge for our own day:

“‘Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow his words, his commandments, and his covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow his voice to take priority over any other?’

“As followers of Christ, we teach and testify of Jesus Christ, our perfect role model. So let us follow him by forgoing contention. As we pursue our preferred policies in public actions, let us qualify for his blessings by using the language and methods of peacemakers. In our families and other personal relationships, let us avoid what is harsh and hateful. Let us seek to be holy, like our savior, in whose holy name I testify and invoke his blessing to help us be saints. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

I’m confident all followers of Christ can avoid contention and be peacemakers, as long as that is their sincere desire. I know Heavenly Father will help all to follow his commandments. As Nephi famously said, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” (1 Nephi 3:7) I know that is true, regardless of how difficult the commandment may seem.

Contact Ryan Comer at rcomer@standard.net. Follow him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rbcomer8388 and on X at @rbcomer8388.